"If you have never experienced anything, what right do you have to assume that you are alive?"

Dear C,

You are one of my closest friends. We have a blast together but I've noticed that every occassion seems to be a drunken one, especially for you. I don't understand why you treat yourself like this. It's not as though you're an 18 year old, drinking for the first time. I realise we come from different backgrounds. You've had a rougher upbringing than I have - growing up in Keilor, being the oldest kid in a family whose dramas rival those on daytime tv.

You know that I never judge you. You can tell me anything and, while I may not agree with your choice, I will never judge you and push you away. I don't understand why you surround yourself with the guys that you do, or why you let them use you like they do. I know you say that they're not using you, but your tears and confusion the next day show the truth.

Yesterday we met to go to the movies. Unfortunately everyone else had the same idea and the movie we wanted to see was sold out. So we ended up at the pub playing pool with your friend Barney and his brother. I didn't want to drink because I was going to drive home so, for 2 hours, I had 1 glass of wine. Eventually I decided to stay the night at your place and so I had a few more drinks. Plus I could see that I couldn't leave you alone. But you couldn't/wouldn't listen when I kept saying "no more" and you forced drink upon drink upon drink on me. I drank some, ignore others and threw away the rest. When you invited everyone back to your place and bought a bottle of jaeger, a bottle of vodka and a lemonade, I got worried. Especially when you knew Barney wasn't going to stay the night because he had a party to go to.

When we got back to your place, you got more and more intoxicated. You poured shots of jaeger and pretty much poured it down my throat. You poured three vodka and lemonades and split most of the liquid on the counter. Then you started throwing the glass into the sink, smashing them. I tried to get everyone to leave and they did eventually, but not before you and barney had a fight in the bedroom because he had to go.

I watched you and I got you to drink some water, eat some food and get to bed. I cleaned up. This morning you didn't remember much and felt embarrassed when I told you that you might have to apologise to barney.

C, I feel like the mother in this friendship. You're 30 - old enough to have done this to death. You say you want to settle down and meet a sable guy, but every week you do this crap. I'm not like this, never have been, at least not to this extent. I love you to bits, but I can't stand watching you do this to yourself.

M.