I couldn't fight it anymore.  The little voice inside my head (okay, actually the voice next to me!) keeps murmuring "join mindsay. blog on mindsay . . . join us . . . mwahahahah" and the fight is now drained.  So here am I, no longer blogging on blogspot . . although they treated me very well . . .

Now to explain my giggling girty impression today (yesterday I had no excuse) . .  I met a lovely guy last night, named Miles.  I know, sad sack of a name, but hey . . .  So far I must say I am VERY impressed . . . he said he'd called tonight after work and WOW! he actually did!  I'm trying not to expect anything from this (I mean, I met him at the Odeon for crying out loud, although we were both there to listen to a friend's band so) but he is really sweet and doesn't seem to be into the whole game playing thing of "I like you but I won't call for at least three days".  He wanted to get together tonight, but I begged off, seeing that I'm half asleep as it is, I didn't think it would be the most exciting night.  But we're getting together tomorrow night so .. . . . I must behave myself though . . . thinking very evil thoughts right now . . .

Ohmigod . . . my brain is fried.  Deep fried and the oil is seeping through my body.  Can you smell it?

I had a serious fry up on Friday afternoon.  I got to work, thinking, "ah, another day of finding my feet" only to have those thoughts ripped rudely from me.  It turned out that there was a Australian Publishers Association (APA) workshop on contracts in the city and the company had bought 2 seats - one for Iris, the publisher, and one for the other editor.  Except he was working on the accounting manuscript from hell, so he couldn't go.  Since the seats were already paid for, off I went to learn about contracts.  Yikes!

So we got to the Novotel in St Kilda at 1:55pm for 2:00 only to realise that it wasn't there - it was in the city at some hot shot law firm. I don't think I realised before that it can take as little as 12 minutes to get into the city from st kilda. We get there - it's a seriously swanky law firm on the 36th floor - and stagger in, grab my folder and try to look interested in copyright law.  My dad always wanted me to study law . ..  thank g-d I never did.  Don't think I would've survived to tell the tale.

The first session was all about the free trade agreement and how it affects publishing.  Fairly interesting, if that's your cuppa tea.  Considering that I'd left my glasses at home, the blurry powerpoint screens were confusing.  Then the meet 'n greet over afternoon tea (and yummy choc muffins).  Interesting people, except when they asked "so, what do you do at *Company*?" (Trying to be discreet-ish here).  Ummm . . . been there a week lady, so, not very much!  Felt like a bit of an imposter.

So tell me, when was your last encounter with the deep fried brain?

Read this if you don't believe how lacking in compassion and sense our federal government is.  I took this directly from The Age online (http://www.theage.com.au) because I didn't think people would believe me if I just told them.  This is bloody ridiculous and yet I'm not surprised.  My gran is almost 90, living in a nursing home with alzheimer's disease and they keep refusing her visas.  Even though every living expense comes from her savings and not the government and even though there is nobody in South Africa for her, even if she could ge on the plane.  Does little Johnnie really see these kind of people as threats to our security? My grandmother couldn't lift herself out of her wheelchair, much less raise the security level. 

Photo by Simon O'Dwyer, The Age

The Article:

Cui Yu Hu's relatives cannot believe the Immigration Department would seriously consider deporting a 104-year old.

When Mrs Hu turned 104, on February 18, she received letters of congratulations from the Prime Minister John Howard, Premier Steve Bracks and Governor John Landy.

But after 10 years in Melbourne, she also received a letter refusing her an aged-parent visa.

The Immigration Department letter said she could appeal to the Migration Review Tribunal.

Until now, Mrs Hu has been on a bridging visa with no medical coverage while her case was considered.

"I have no status here," she said, shaking her head sadly, as her adopted daughter Motoko translated at their Narre Warren home yesterday.

Mrs Hu, a widow since 1973, no longer has a home in China and has outlived friends and family from Xinjiang province.

Her family and the Chinese community believed it was heartless not to grant her an aged-parent visa, family friend Chap Chow said.

Motoko and her two grandchildren, who brought her to Australia on a 12-month visitor's visa in 1995, are her only family. When she tried to return after a year, no airline would take her.

Her case comes as 15-year-old student Nak Assavatheptavee, who has spent half of his life in Melbourne, and his father Charoon are being forced to leave for Thailand on Friday.

Mrs Wu, married young to a man whose work required them to move, led a lonely life. That changed when, at 53, having moved to northern Manchuria, she adopted an abandoned Japanese baby, Motoko. After Mrs Hu's husband died in 1973, she went to live with Motoko and her husband Bing Sen Yang, who migrated to Australia in 1996.

Giving way to tears, Motoko said her feelings ran deep for the woman who took her in "and treated me like her own child" after the Japanese invasion of Manchuria followed by World War II, when many were left orphaned and anarchy was rife.

Mrs Hu, whose feet were once bound, walks with the aid of a stick, "eats everything" and attributes her longevity to "the heavens" looking after her.

But during the past year she has had two falls, resulting in steel implants.

Lei Sheng Tong, president of the Xinjiang Chinese Senior Citizens group, called on the Government of "this land of migrants" to show compassion. "The old lady is dependent on these two, who are pensioners, and this has put them under a lot of financial pressure and stress."

A spokesman for Immigration Minister Amanda Vanstone said there was no age limit for visas but refused to comment further for "privacy" reasons.

Link directly to the article on http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2005/02/22/1109046914366.html

So Tammy has officially left the building.  This is the worst part of life . . . good bye.  Even if you've been expecting it for over 2 years - being aware that it's coming is never easy.  Jeez, that seriously sounded as if she's died . . . no, no, just gone back to Canada after living here for 2 years. 

I know I had issues with sharing my space (c'mon, it's a small room!) but I'm seriously going to miss her.  All her foibles and bits and pieces, like being a hypocondriac (spelling?) and obsessing about what could go wrong next with her thesis.  I'll miss the movie nights we had - you know, on those weekends when you can't be fucked going out and getting dressed up and all.  Just sitting in front of the tv with a dvd on the box and a pizza to share - makes everything fun again. 

I think I'll miss most the fact that she was just there - on msn (where I expect to see her a fair bit!), on email (ditto) and via sms (sadly, not going to happen, canada being on a completely different mobile system) and just a short (depending on the traffic) car trip away.  I'll actually miss the complicated stories that may or may not have had a point (especially when she was drunk) and just her.  We've been friends for 2 years - long time - and I wouldn't change it for anything. 

Fuck it, I'm crying again.  This sucks.  Tammy, if you're reading this - THIS IS FUCKED.  You weren't supposed to be leaving.  You'd better keep looking for work here and get your ass back. 

Your Lip Gloss Flavor Is: Strawberry

When it comes to life, you want the best of everything:

The best clothes, the best friends, the best guy - and you usually get all three.

You impress most people you meet with your genuine class and style

Strawberry is a classic, admired flavor that goes with many things. Sound familar?

What Flavor Lip Gloss Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

I like this one . . . Strawberry lipgloss sounds like fun . . . ;)

Pretty close doncha think? Or don't you?  Dare to disagree?? Perhaps the Queen of Hearts would be better?

SO . ..  I've met another potential . . . although we can't be sure until we see whether he actually calls .. . why is it that guys are like that?  And what do you think of the fact that Miles brushed me off, prefering to stay home and read a PHYSICS text book for fun?  I mean, REALLY! Any guy who would rather spend time reading a physics text book than with me is not normal surely.  Nothing wrong with Physics, please don't misunderstand me here.  Not something I understand entirely, but good onya if you do - just don't tell me you'd rather do that.  It's almost as bad as washing your hair . ..  especially if you're bald. 

And continuing on from Esther's tales of distraction, I could write a book on how I manage to distract myself . . . if I could be bothered . . .!!  I have to get up early tomorrow (or do it tonight) and write a paper to hand in resembling in some form what I presented in class last week.  Considering that I winged it almost completely, this may be more difficult than it sounds.  I know the overhead slide thingies looked prepared, but really, they were done that morning . . . as should've been obvious by the fact that I couldn't remember what was actually on them!  And I haven't read Naomi's workshop piece yet - that will be done tonight . . .I know. . . time management . . . but I don't have the time!

Listen to this for an example of how insane the world (read: the US) has become.

Last year in May, American artist Steve Kurtz woke up to find his wife had died during the night of natural causes.  So he called the police.  No problem there, except the police arrived to find artwork due to be exhibited stacked all around the house.  Again, no problem except that this artwork featured benign forms of bacteria and scientific equipment for monitoring genetically modified food.  Even though this was art from exhibitions all around Europe, the cops were convinced that it was the work of a terrorist and called the FBI.  Great move.

So the FBI cam along and arrested Kurtz, impounded his artwork, cordoned off his house and took away his wive's body.  They imprisoned him for 22 hours, before charging him as a terrorist.  This all happened last May, except the trial date is still to be set and his costs are amounting to over US$6000 a month.  All this for artwork that the FBI labs have proven cannot be used for harmful purposes.  This is a blatant abuse of power and abuse of freedom of expression and all because, ultimately, the authorities do not approve of Kurtz's artistic work. 

I'm no raving loonie here - if his work could be proven to be harmful and had been used to be harmful, then yes, arrest the sucker.  But it hasn't and therefore this culture of fear created by the FBI etc cannot be allowed to continue.

There is a Critical Art Ensemble Legal Defense Fund website - http://www.caedefensefund.org - if you want to find out more or donate or something.

This is ridiculous. 

 I took this last night at a gig by Tarko - the cover band side of Juke Kartel.  You may not have heard of them YET but they will be HUGE.  This is Toby, the lead singer.  I took shitloads of shots - 4 rolls of film and almost 100 shots on digital.  This was obviously digital (I haven't got the film back). You like?

 I am feeling very rock star photographer these days. 

So, as I posted earlier, I went to a gig the other night as "the photographer" and took shots for a friend's band (really, friend of a friend's band), which they loved.  In fact, just looking at the digital shots, I love the shots too.  Modest, I know.

But the rock star bit is still to come. 

So there I am, running around the stage and the dance floor, trying to get something a bit different while being shoved around by idiot 18 year olds who think it's funny to try jump in my shot (do they think it makes me want to jump them or something?!).  Eventually, I figured a way to get a different angle - I got two of my friends to lift me up and I ended up at the same height as the lead singer.  As they were lifting me I took my shoes off (they were heels) and I felt that my right foot was a bit sweaty, but since I had borrowed a friend's shoes, I thought nothing of it, until I got down, looked at the white shoes on the floor and saw that the left one was now bright red . . .  Not a good feeling.  I looked at my foot, which was a matching blood red shade and leaving little stains on the floor.  Arrggh.

So I hopped through the crowd to the bathroom, slightly in shock.  Did you know that your fourth toe bleeds like hell when you cut it with glass?!  Cos that's what happened.  So much blood.  And I'm not exactly the calmest person when it comes to my own blood.  But I cleaned it up as best I could, my friend got a first aid kit-thingie from security, and I bandaged it up.  Then of course, hobbled back out there and carried on shooting.  As you do.

It was all worth it, even tho I could hardly out pressure on my left foot all day yesterday and the shoes need a bit of a clean.  The band loved the shots I could show them from the digital and the other shots will be ready next week (damn the easter break!), but they already want me to take more shots at their pre-production rehearsals coming up.  They've just been signed to a label (not sure which one) by one the guys from Taxi Ride, a great Aussie group (depending if you like their stuff or not), and they're sure to be heading places.  Hopefully my rock star photographer days are not over either . . .

I got this quiz from paparazzi . .  I hope she doesn't mind, but I thought it was cool

never seems to switch off.  I'm always thinking about something - be it something from the past or something still to occur.  It shits me sometimes.  I mean, there are definitely moments when your brain is not needed in the arena.  But there it is, running a mile a minute (somehow a kilometre a minute didn't work there) and it's obvious on my face, in my eyes and it shits me that I have to think stop thinking for it to pause for a minute and let me relax, before it starts up again.

Maybe it's because I do too much - I mean, I work, I study two courses and I make time to party hard.  Plus I'm now kinda seeing someone, which, while enjoyable, takes time too.  Then there's this volunteering thing which I might be doing for the Commonwealth Games, which takes a day out of my week.  Not that I'm complaining mind you.  I'm loving every opportunity that I'm being given, but it all conspires to make my brain go into overdrive.

Gotta slow down.  But how?

I'm struggling for breath.  I feel the bars around my chest and they are getting closer and tighter all the time.  It's almost like wearing a jumper that's too small and it's constricting.  I feel so rude, yawning every ten minutes and knowing that, as I listen in class or to my friends, my eyes are drooping and my attention is wavering.  It's so difficult to concentrate when your body is screaming out for more air, for more oxygen.

I heard someone say that they read that they are coming up with a "cure" for asthma - some scientist has discovered a vital protein that asthmatics are lacking and therefore by feeding the body with that protein, the symptoms should disappear.  Of course, it's only in testing phase and give it another 10 years or so.  Bit too late for me.

I hate this.  Okay, I don't know anybody who would profess to like being asthmatic.  But I hate not being able to control this.  I can avoid situations asmuch as possible - stay away from dust and freshly mowed grass, avoid windy days (in Melbourne, this is a challenge) or cover my face at least. But I know that, regardless of what I do, every change of season sets me off.  And to compound it this time, I got a cold last week.  I was hoping that I had caught it early, but alas, it was all too predictable and it went straight to my chest.  So, since Friday, I've been fighting my body.  I try to keep up with the rest of my life - you know, medicate and move on.  But it's so difficult when I find myself getting exhausted after a morning of shopping or working or class. 

I don't do being unable to control something. 

In the face of all that's happening in our world, I feel slightly self-centred tonight.  I've had a bad weekend self-esteem wise.  Not from my friends - who rock - and not from the lovely man who's taking up my free time at the moment, but from my mother.  How typical is that.  I feel like a Hallmark movie of the week.

My mother is perfect.  She doesn't think so, but she is.  She never goes out of the house without a full face of makeup, hair perfectly groomed and the perfect outfit.  She's not a size 6 or anything, but for as long as I can remember (and for those times I can't remember I have my journals) she has been obsessed with weight - her weight and my weight.  Now, I'm not a size 6 either, but I don't need to be.  Size 10-12 Australian is perfect for me and while I do admit that the love handles are getting annoying, I generally don't mind my body.  That is, until my mother makes some snide little comment about how she's been eating so badly this past week, she has to diet this week.  This comes every Sunday night, mind you.  And then at dinner Friday night, she looks at me and asks me what I ate for lunch.  I usually try to avoid telling her, because I know I've done something wrong.  If, like this Friday, I ate a Subway sandwich (less than 6 grams of fat ladies and gents!), she'll look at me and ask the next question

"Yes, but how much bread did you eat today? I can make you lunch you know.  A tuna salad is better."

And immediately I feel like shit.

Then dinner is a stressed affair of course.  I hardly feel like saying

"Well, I'm starved - I'll take a good portion of that thanks!"

It didn't make things better that I'd asked for pasta.  Hmm . . . more starch Mandy . . . .

But the moment of truth - dessert.  Cookies and Cream Sara-lee.  Usually, I refuse dessert, simply because I know that she'll have some, usually only half a scoop that she nurses for a good 10 minutes.  But that night, I wanted some.  Sucker for punishment I know.  So, she looked at me, and told my dad, who was serving

"That's enough for Mandy.  She only wants a little"

Yeah, a little - not even a scoop.  So I took it.  I glared at her of course.  But I took it.  She realised that I was not happy, and made some comment about how she'd thought I'd said that's all I wanted.  Right.

Doesn't she remember the yelling matches we've had?  And whenever I go off, I'm accused of being overly-sensitive etc.  And she loves to hold a grudge, so she gets very sulky and doesn't talk to me until I apologise.  So I've learnt not to say anything anymore. And I've accepted the offer of tuna salad to take to work. 

But it's weird, lying in bed last night at Mark's and he makes some comment about me being gorgeous.  Really?  Kinda blows my mind.

Not having a good one today.

Feeling quite anxious and panic-in-the-pit-of-stomach like.  I know it'll pass and it's not a reaction to anything real, but I don't like it. I was driving to work this morning and almost wanted to pull over and call in sick.  Just don't feel right.  And it's not as if I can identify it - usually I can.  I think at the moment it's the same kinda thing I got last year when I freaked out.  But this year I'm not on any medication - went off it 6 weeks ago.  Trying to stay off them.  This is the first real test.  Whew.  Don't like it.  Forgot what it felt like - I was on medication then and even then it was bad. 

But I got through it and I will get through this.

I don't really want to tell the folks.  My mother will freak.  She'll start trying to wrap me up in cotton wool again.  And they'll both sit down and try "fix" me - you know, ask what's wrong exactly, what's stressing me out, what can I do etc.  I know they're only trying to help and that's the only way they know how, but it's difficult when I don't know what's stressing me out.  It's everything and nothing at the same time.  I mean, yes, I have a lot of shit on my plate - my own choice - but things are all going according to plan. I have a job that I'm enjoying and is in my field; I've just been accepted for a volunteer position with the Commonwealth Games in the Communications Department for 1 day a week; I'm enjoying both my writing and my photography courses; I have a good social life (something that was severely lacking last year) and I'm seeing a lovely guy.  All good. 

So what's with the anxiety? How do I explain this? I feel ungrateful to say that it's all good but I'm not happy.  I mean, I read other blogs and I know that my life is amazing compared to the hardships they've experienced.  And yet, still feel the panic.

One thing that's playing on my mind is that I don't really fit in at school.  I mean, I chat to people while I'm there, but nothing else really.  I've been trying to make more of an effort, but I get the impression (real or imagined) that I'm not really part of the crowd.  I don't need to be included in everything, but maybe there's more I can do? I could make more of an effort, I don't know.  Maybe I'm just feeling paranoid?

Probably should just shut up and breathe.

Just a quick one tonight before I go out with Chelsea (and probably watch her get drunk while I sip on a coke - being the driver sucks).

Some of you may remember my flirtation with Miles.  We went out, oh, about 6 weeks ago - a few dates, all went well.  Then he blew me off to read a physics textbook.  Twice.  Not normally an issue, except the guy wasn't studying at the time and the excuse sounded like a version of oh, I have to wash my hair for three days straight.  So I shrugged and moved on. 

Friday afternoon I got a text message from him saying (and I write verbatim here)

Hi mandy, sorry it's been so long since we've caught up. I'd love to see you sometime soon. What are you up to tonight or tomorrow?

I had to laugh.  What is it with guys?  Does he really think that after 6 weeks I'm going to reply and go, oh yeah, guess you finished teaching yourself physics .  . let's hang out?  Hmmmm . . . not happening boy.  I decided not to waste any money replying.  Plus I'm seeing Mark now, so he's missed the boat entirely.  But I'd love a guy's perspective on this.

Blognapped (Love that word!) from loneynight

( ) I've Never Been Drunk
() I've Never Smoked Pot
( ) I've Never Kissed A Member Of The Opposite Sex
(x) I've Never Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
( ) I've Never Been In Love
( ) I've Never Shoplifted
(x) I've Never Been Fired
(x) I've Never Been In A Fist Fight
(x) I've Never Had Group Sex
( ) I've Never Snuck Out Of My Parent's House
(x) I've Never Been Tied Up
( ) I've Never Made Out With A Stranger
( ) I've Never Been To Europe
( ) I've Never Skipped School
( ) I've Never Had Sex At The Office
(x) I've Never Been Skinny Dipping
( ) I've Never Had Sex With More Than One Person Within The Same Week.
(x) I've Never Purposely Set A Part Of Myself On Fire
( ) I've Never Eaten Sushi
( ) I've Never Been Snowboarding

Not as bad as I was expecting!

Black.

It's all too hard right now.

I'm "on" all day and I get home and it's too hard.  Just want to sit.  No talking allowed.  No thinking allowed.  It takes too much effort.

Will blog more detail tomorrow morning.

So yeah, I know it's been a while since I wrote anything, and I realise that my last post was a bit bleak to say the least. 

I am fine - thanks to everyone who asked.  Just went through a bit of a panicky period.  Still there at times, but it's getting better at least.  I do this to myself every year - I load myself up with stuff and then get to a moment when it all hits me - all the shit I have to do - and at least this year I'm enjoying it all.  And this year I have a social life, which I didn't allow myself time for last year.

Now, I promised Scott that I'd blog about ...ummm, you know (his words!).  So, save in the knowledge that Mark does not read this and never will, here goes. 

My Saga

The long and short of it is that I think I'm bored.  No, scratch that, I know I'm bored.  I know that not every relationship has that all-consuming passion where you can't stop thinking about the other person, even when you're doing boring mundane things like taking the train to work.  I can't even picture his face while I type this. 

I went out a couple of weekends ago with a few people and someone asked where he was. In fact it was a guy I'd never met before who said

So where's your man?  What's his excuse for not coming out?"

Well, his excuse was that I didn't invite him - especially after the disaster that was the first introduction to friends. I wanted to have a fun night out (being the operative word  more on that later) and I knew that with him there, that wouldn't necessarily be the case.  It got me thinking.

The first night I introduced him to Chelsea (one of my closer friends), we had organised a night out at the pub playing pool.  The usual Sunday night fare - free pool, good music and pizza.  Chelsea and I arrived earlier to chat and got a phone call - the band that I've taken photos of was having a gig at the casino.  Now when we go to the casino, we don't go to the casino per se - we go to listen to music.  So, from the pub, it's about $8 cab fare, have a drink or so there and then cab back.  Between 4 people in the cab, you're looking at $10 each all up.  Not an expensive night. 

So, Mark arrived and another friend of mine came along too.  After playing 4 games, we suggested going to listen to the band.  Mark was not keen - the money was an issue.  And then came the crunch - he said I'd said it was a night of pool at the pub and that was what he was in the mood for.  Hmm.

So played a few more games and during this time, somehow he insulted Chelsea (I have no idea what he said) so I had to fix that and then he committed the ultimate pub sin - he accepted drinks from other people's rounds and then when it came to his round, pleaded poverty.  Not done at the pub.  I ended up taking his round to keep the peace.

After this, I decided, stuff him.  Three of us went to the casino.  He went home.  So decided not to do that again.  He and Chelsea are just not going to work. But that got me thinking too.

Now, more on the fact that I want to go OUT.  His idea of a date/night together is me going to his place, we go out for a cheap dinner (like $17 for the two of us) and then back to his place to watch TV and cuddle.  All good once you've been together for a while! But at the beginning of a relationship, you at least go out a bit.  I mean, if there's no excitement at this stage, there's nowhere to go.  And the fact that he's a tight-arse is bugging me.  I realise that I've been lucky and never needed to worry about every cent.  But when you go out and the bill comes to $19.10, don't make such a fuss about getting every coin of the 90c change off the tray.  (*Note: there's no compulsory tipping in Australia*) C'mon - is 90c really going to make a difference? Am I being urealistic?

I don't know now - I'm just bored with the fact that we don't go out and when I suggest it, he's not keen and I don't want to push it. So I keep cancelling and changing dates.  I have so little time to myself after work etc, that I don't want to waste it. 

Am I being an idiot to expect some kind of excitement after 2 months?

One of the people I work with got "let go" today.  What a phrase - "let go" - yeah, you're trying to leave us so we'll let you go.  Bah.

Considering that the section I'm in only has 5 people in total, having 1 less is huge. And there's been a huge change-over in the past few months - I'm the oldest staff member there (after the big boss) at 2 months!!  Huge.  I mean, the changes have been good really - the senior editor left, and he was hopeless, so the woman who replaced him (she started last week) is amazing.  And one of the other girls left to start teaching, so the guy who replaced her is good.  And I do see what they were saying - Nicole did really need a lot of training and there's just no time.  Seriously, in this job, you need to hit the ground running.  But it's still hard - I've only been in a place where a friend of mine has been fired twice.  And those weren't even really friends.  I tell ya what, the mood in the office was pretty damn low.  They told her (and us) at about 4:00 - so she went straight home and even though they said she was on til the end of the week, she decided not to come back.  I mean, it was still the trial period, so don't think they treated her badly.  But I can so understand - it would feel weird coming back.  But shit - who's going to do all her work?  If I get one more thing to do, I think I may just scream.

A: Age you got your first kiss: 15

B: Band you are listening to right now: Evermore

C: Crush: Karl Norman (from Carlton footie club - nobody said it had to be a realistic one!)

D: Dad's name: Lex

E: Easiest person to talk to: at the moment? Can I pass on that?

F: Favourite Bands at the moment:  The Killers, Evermore, Juke Kartel, Eskimo Joe

G: Gummy worms or gummy bears? Gummy bears - I like to bite their heads off!

H: Hometown? I live in Melbourne now, born in Johannesburg

I: Instruments? I used to be able to play the piano

J: Junior High: King David High School Linksfield (Sth Africa)

K: Kids? Nada

L: Longest car ride ever? Brisbane to Melbourne in 2 days.

M: Mom's name? Norma

N: Nicknames? Mands, Mandelina, Mandolin, M

O: One wish? To get paid to travel the world

P: Phobias? Spiders, cockroaches, heights (to some degree), claustrophobia

Q: Quote? "Dreams do come true.  Without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them."  I can't do better than that, Yankeebird

R: Reason to smile? My friends

S:  Song you last heard? Are you satisfied? by Evermore

T: Time you woke up today? 7:00am

U: Unknown fact about me: I had a breast reduction when I was 15.  Best thing I ever did - even though the pain was excruciating when I woke up from the surgery.

V: Vegetable you hate? Asparagus

W: Worst habits? Procrastinating and then getting stressed!

X: X rays you have had? back for the chiro, skull when I whacked my head when I was eleven, lungs for asthma

Y: Yummy food? Mexican - the real stuff, not just tacos!

Z: Zodiac Sign? Gemini all the way baby.

Okay, okay, due to popular demand, I now present to you . . . *drum roll please*

The Happy Blog

 One day there was a little blog who was always happy.  He tried and tried to get Mandy's attention, but she kept moping along the dark corners of blog-land, and using all the stressed out blogs.  So, with the help of jestar, the little happy blog worked hard to solve all the little problems until Mandy could ignore him no longer.

:)

Things are slowly sorting themselves out happily!  Well, kinda.  Photography is still at a stand-still because the colour processor is broken, but I've worked out a way to get feedback from my tutor by scanning the negs on my very cheap scanner and editing them down that way, so when the machine is back up and running, I print those photos without wasting time with images that are crap.  And my digital images were re-saved in a different format, so that's all okay to work with this weekend.  Whew.  And my tutor has been great about it - he's agreed to give me a little extra time, so that's all good.

So, other than a bit of a cold, I'm all good now.  Sorted things out with my mother - well, promised not to react like I did.  I realise I'll never get her to see my point-of-view on some things and it's just easier to keep the peace.

• the decision for the company to attend
• the organisation in any way, shape or form

1. The National Careers and Employment Expo - does that sound like a place to SELL VCE TEXTBOOKS to you?
   
2. If you're stupid enough to want to sell them anyway, it probably a good idea to find out whether you're actually allowed TO SELL anything at all, or whether it is a non-sales event
3. Then, finally you should realise that any expo/stand/convention needs at least 3 people attending - 2 to work and one to cover breaks. Plus you can't stand all day - you need chairs. And if you're going to organise a phone line (or furniture) perhaps you should actually fax through the details to THE CORRECT NUMBER.

**Hiya!
Mandy - have not heard back from you for a while - I assume you are no longer keen on chatting to me. 

Have you ever:

• asked for my number repeatedly, even after I said no the first time (we met a couple of months ago and he took my nmber then and didn't call. So when we ran into each other on Friday, I was sceptical)
• makes a big deal about wanting to see me this weekend and saying we'd definitely do something on Sunday (today)
• then doesn't call.

• Orginal trip: Israel (2 weeks)
  
• Amendment #1: Israel and Canada (4 weeks)
  
• Amendment #2: Israel, Canada and Mexico (4.5 weeks)
  
• Amendment #3: Canada and the Philippines (4 weeks)
  
• Amendment #4: Canada (2 weeks)
  

So, it's been a while ... apologies all round.Work has been insane (what's new?) and while that's no excuse, it's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Hmm ... rapid synopsis of my life these past 6 weeks.

• I housesat for 3 weeks - it was lovely, brilliant, excellent and all that. The privacy ... ahhh .... the lack of questioning "Where are you going? What did you eat for lunch? What time will you be home?" It all drives me mad and I guess it's my own fault for living at home, but where's the money supposed to come from?
• My mother went back to South Africa for a 2 week holiday. Again, bliss, except that my dad got all depressed until she got back. They're so sweet.
• Shani, a friend of mine who moved to Israel last year, came back for a surprise visit. She stayed with me for a week before going to visit her folks for 6 weeks. She only left yesterday, so it's all a bit weird. I'll post some pics soon.
• My brother got back together with his ex - not a bad thing, as they only broke up because she was going travelling and then she didn't go. They're cute together, although she's tiny (only about 4"10) and he's about 6"2, so it looks cute when they're out.
• I managed to get 4 maths exam papers, a physics exam paper, a chemistry exam paper and a biology exam paper to the printers (for those of you who don't know, I work for an educational publishing house and we have a series of trial exam paper for Year 12 subjects. They're only available to the schools to use for exam preparation). God is laughing at me working on maths and sciences .. or rather, my teachers would be laughing.
• I've had a bad run with my asthma (the weather's been awful) and I'm investigating doing a course in the Buteyko Method - it's a way of breathing. Anyone know anything about it?

Well, that's about it for the moment. I'm celebrating a bit as I've finished all the exam papers I was responsible for and the other projects I'm working on are chugging along quite nicely. Bliss for the moment. Tonight I have a photography job at a local basketball club - doing all their team photos. We did most of them on Saturday, but tonight should be about 2.5 hours worth of work. It's a looong day.

Later gators!

I read this interesting "filler" article in this month's Cosmos (not to be confused with Cosmopolitan - this is a science magazine). Thought I'd share - so you can be as amazed as I am.

27-year-old baby stillborn

Surgeons have delivered a 27-year-old baby from a middle-aged Indonesian who had carried the dead body inside her because she was too poor to have it removed.

A team of 15 doctors operated for three hours to retrieve the 1.6 kg petrified baby from the 54-year-old woman at the Sutomo general hospital in nearby Surabaya.

The woman had been referred to the hospital after complaining of occassional pains in her stomach. She recovered at the hospital and was said to be in good health after the operation.

Now, isn't that odd? How would your body keep a dead body inside? Wouldn't it recognise it as, well, DEAD, and expel it? Isn't that what happens in miscarriages? I don't know, so correct me if I'm wrong. But weird.

The tape, aired by the America's ABC News, was obtained in Pakistan by the media organisation. It shows a masked US-born member of al-Qaeda - believed to be Californian man Adam Gadahn - threatening attacks on Melbourne and Los Angeles, "Allah willing".

"Yesterday, London and Madrid. Tomorrow, Los Angeles and Melbourne," the speaker says, warning attackers will show no compassion.
[www.theage.com.au]

Why Melbourne? I mean, most people, when asked about Australia, would pick Sydney or Canberra for the whole capital of a country thing. But Melbourne? I love the city - it rocks, but hey! I think someone got a bit confused.

This evening on the news all the big wigs are like "don't be alarmed" and such like, and then the news shows follow it up with what would happen if a car bomb explodes in the middle of Bourke Street. Hmmm ... great guys, don't alarm us or anything.

Yeah, our city isn't exactly terrorist proof. But which city is?

How long do you reckon it's going to take for someone to come out and say that we wouldn't be a target if it wasn't for Howard kissing Bush's butt and being his puppet? I don't necessarily agree entirely with that sentence, but that's what they say. I say people, we were a target way before Bush hit the scene. As a country, we've been a target for supporting East Timor. We've been a target because we live next to the largest Muslim country in the world and we're not Muslim. Hate me for saying that but it's true.

But like I said before, why the fuck would anyone pick Melbourne? I'm sure there are people around the world looking at each other puzzled ... "Los Angeles I know, but where's Melbourne?"

• What industry is it in?
• Is it a big company or a small company?
• What is your job description? Remember, this is the dream job, so don't worry about your skills etc.
  
• What's the pay? Benefits?
• Is there a specific location? Within 10 minutes of home? On a public transport line?
• What do you need to do to get the skills for it? Do you need a short computer course etc?
  
• When do you want to find this job?

This has been blognapped from a few people, including myclette 

Directions: type "[your name] is", including the quotes, into a google search. cut-and-paste the first ten responses that work. Just pull the answers right out of the excerpt google shows you, don't click the link and search around. The only rule is that each one has to start with "[your name] is..."

So, my results ... *drum roll please!*

Mandy is Dreaming
Mandy is single and curled up on a sofa chair
Mandy is waiting for you.
Mandy is, by nature, a homebody
Mandy is winning critical raves for her refreshing screen presence and
Mandy is more concerned that someone close to her might be behind the crime.
Mandy is a super nice person.
Mandy is not trendy and is proud of her wholesome image.
Mandy is always there for me and is a great motivator.

I think you get the picture :) Now, they could be refering to Mandy Moore in some of those entries, but I prefer to think otherwise. *sigh*

Yeah, slow news day. I'm toying with a post in my head at the moment, but it's not making it onto the page, so make do with this!

I went for my usual lunchtime walk around the park today - the weather was/is lovely. The strangest thing though. While I was walking, a guy on a motorbike pulled up along side me and started saying something. Obviously I couldn't hear anything cos of my iPod, so I paused the music (John Mayer!) and stopped. I thought he was asking for directions or something. No, he was asking if I wanted a ride anywhere! I politely declined of course. It would defeat the purpose of a lunchtime walk if I got on a motorbike anyway (not the only reason I said no).

Hit on at the park? That's a first!

Here I've been getting annoyed at the top blogs lately and I find myself at #2 today - the last thing I ever expected. I'm not someone with a huge network, so I'm touched that my last entry appealed to so many people.

Thank you :)

Mindsay has blocked at my Thursday job for months, ever since they randomly blocked a whole lotta blogging sites. Somehow, today, it's miraculously un-blocked. Gotta love it.

Tonight it our christmas party at a pretty nice bar/club/venue in the city - with a band and awesome door prizes. Only problem is that I'm exhausted. Waiting for that second wind.

I will post more this weekend following a concert on Friday night ... featuring BLACKSTREET and NEW EDITION!! For those of you old enough, these were two old school R&B groups in the 90's ... this should be good fun :) 

This past weekend, in Sydney, there have been riots and attacks on anyone of 'middle-eastern appearance' following an attack on two lifeguards last week, allegedly by two Lebanese men. The images I've seen over the news and in the papers sickens me. I've always known that racist, ignorant people exist in our community, but I've never realised how many. People were shouting racists slogans, wearing racist signs on their clothes and bodies and attacking police and ambulances for helping 'the lebs'. These so-called 'Australians' used the Australian flag, anthem and chants to bolster their cause and it sickens me to be associated with this kind of pond scum.

Everyone in Australia is an immigrant in some way, except the Aborigines. Every Anglo came from another country, be it this generation or a previous one. We are all 'lebs', 'wogs', 'spicks', 'poms' etc. I moved here 10 years ago and until this week, I was proud to call myself Australian. Now, I feel my country has been tarnished. If these jerks are really Australian, I want out.

Please, if you're reading the papers or watching the news overseas, this is not Australia! Cronulla is not Sydney and Sydney is not Australia.

We are ashamed.

I am a fairly generous friend - I will never refuse to help someone if I can. My friends know this and, generally speaking, are pretty good with reciprocating. But today I've been reminded why so many people don't lend friends' money.

A few weeks ago, a close friend of mine got married. I was a bridesmaid and I knew all the hassles they had along the way. They paid for the whole shebang themselves and were pretty good in keeping it fairly inexpensive - the whole thing, ceremony, dress, flowers, reception cost under $10 000. But a couple of days before, there were some unexpected costs and she asked me to help. I didn't hesitate (well, I did, cos I wasn't sure how much cash I had in the account and it was in between pay) and transfered $200.

Now, I usually don't have a problem with when people pay me back - especially her, because I know they have major expenses. But I got my credit card bill this week and, with wedding stuff (hair, makeup, shoes, manicure etc) and christmas pressies, it's a bit of a big one. Okay, it's huge. And I'm not one of those people who pays the minimum off - I like to pay the whole lot off every month. This month might be a stretch, so I called my friend yesterday and delicately asked if she could pay at least some of it off this week, so I can put it straight to the bill. She said sure, she could pay $100 and she'd do it as soon as she got home last night. Well, she hasn't done it and I don't want to ask again. The thing is, everytime she's asked me, I've transfered the cash immediately - we use the same bank, so it shows up pretty much immediately. I'm a bit peeved because, while the bill's not due til next week, I think the least she could have done was transfer the money when she said she would.

Yeah, so a warning - I may not be as generous for the next few weeks.

Okay, so in an effort to curb my full-time spending on a part-time pay, I am going to monitor every expense for at least one month and provide a comment/justification for each one. Hopefully, this will get me thinking about spending the money before it actually happens.

Today

Parking at the train station $4.20

Comment: Can't really be avoided, but I collect my change all the time and use it.

Coffee and a muffin $6.05

Comment: Complete rip-off. Worst coffee I've had in a long time and I threw it away. The muffin wasn't bad, but meh.

Newspaper $1

Comment: I really didn't need it - I get The Age at home, but my train was late ... Okay, no excuse, no more tabloid-y papers.

[UPDATE]

Bag of pretzels $1.60

Comment: Ummm ... I was bored?

Whew. So, $12.85 already wasted and the day is not even done. At least I brought my lunch to work today, so no wastage there.

One day down, 29 to go.

Always wear clean underwear; Heaven forbid you should have an accident!

1. Lose weight. I know, typical, but I want to lose 10 kgs by my 26th birthday in June. This will require real workouts at the gym, not the "when I feel like it" stuff that's characterised 2005.
2. Make more of an effort with the friends I've lost touch with. Email, call, text.
   
3. Be more social in general. I'm not studying nearly as much as I have been for the past god knows how many years, so I have the time.
4. Start dance classes - I think latin looks like fun!
5. Post more entries!
   

Firstly, wow! Everything changed before my eyes - I see colours, I see new places to go and things to see. Adam and Brian - brilliant! I like the fact that we can see the user photos again and the old top blogs page is nice to see again. Plus the link to pages is a good idea too! Geniuses thoses two!

Secondly, thanks for the nominations to get me to top blog #5 - I guess everyone has protective parents or can relate!

Now Mandy, get back to work!

Tomorrow I'm off galavanting around Tasmania for a just over a week. Anna and I are leaving on the Spirit of Tasmania tomorrow morning at 9am and we'll arrive in Devonport at about 7pm. We're going on the day sailings because they're offering a great deal - 25% off day sailings and it makes all the difference. We're not staying in Devonport though - we're driving straight to Launceston for the first night. We've got the first night accomodation booked as well as the last night, but everything in between is a bit of a mystery. We'll just drive and stop where we want to and try find places to stay along the way. Hopefully it won't be too difficult - I'm counting on the fact that most people are finished or finishing holidays and that Tassie isn't really a busy place.

It should be good fun. Road trip with the girls! we've got plenty of music, we'll get plenty of food and we can stop whenever and wherever we want. What more could you ask for? So I may not be able to post anything for the next week or so, depending on my internet access and/or inclination to get online at all!

My holiday is officially over. I'm back at work, sitting at my desk, staring at the pile of work next to me. I want to go back to Tasmania. It was awesome and I can't believe it was only a week - eight days to be exact actually. It went so quickly and almost every stop had a highlight. There will be many entries following this one, but this is the summary

• Arriving in Launceston on a Saturday night to find the place dead. Nowhere to eat - we ended up at Hungry Jacks for burgers. Yuck.
• Getting to St Helen's and realising that our hostel accomodation was actually a tent in the backyard with two mattresses. We almost left to find a motel, but ended up having (in my opinion) the best night of the trip. And it had nothing to do with a kiss ... okay, maybe it did.
• Seeing Wineglass Bay in Frecinet National Park - a bit of a climb (I hate stairs now) but worth every swear word and all the pain.
• Port Arthur Ghost Tour. For all you non-believers out there, this was freaky. Can you explain it? Okay, there's no detail here, but there will be!
• Anna and Georg getting lost (my terms) in Cradle Mountain National Park and me having to get the rangers to search for them after a 7 hour walk became a 12 hour one. I could've done without the heart attacks!

There were more moments, some of which I cannot blog about. Let's just say that in some cases, what happened in Tassie, stays in Tassie!

Promise to post pics and stories later gators!

Our shoes really enjoyed the Bay of Fires, near St Helen's. In fact, later in the day, my sandals got hit on by Liam's sandals (said sandals/shoes not pictured). Truly. I felt like I was in primary school.

"My sandals told me to tell your sandals they're really cute"

Direct quote. Truly.

I'm not usually a prolific photo poster but here are a few more. Then perhaps I'll post some 'stories'

I reckon these rocks look like a dog lying down, wagging its tail. Anna and Liam told me I was dreaming ...

This was the primary reason we called ourselves 'pretend backpackers' This was our suitcase! Over the week, very little got squashed into the packs and more and more got stuffed into the boot/back seat.

This was me and Anna after walking up to the Wineglass Bay lookout. I was puffed, she wasn't. And this was half way through. We still walked all the way down to the beach (in the rain!)

Okay, enough for now. Next posting will be pics of Cradle Mountain and surrounds. Now to get some work done ... or at least pretend.

Doctor: When are you due?

Me: Huh?

Doctor: You're pregnant, right?

Me: No. *insert death stare*

I really need to diet now. And never wear this top again.

No, not my sanity. That went many moons ago.

But the weight!! So, after my "when are you due?" moment three two weeks ago, I joined Weight Watchers and vowed that it would never happen to me again. Of course, my parents deciding to stage an 'intervention' that same night didn't exactly make me feel super-confident. I've put on about 12 kilograms (26 pounds) in the past 18 months from working in an office environment and not being on my feet 12 hours a day. It's just crept on and while I'm hardly obese, I haven't been comfortable in my clothes. I'm used to being a certain size and look.

So back to my weight watchers experience - all good so far. Over two weeks, I've lost 2.2 kilograms (almost 5 pounds) and I'm feeling great. All I've done is change my snacks to healthy ones and watch my 'points'. The first couple of days I found it challenging to keep to 19 points 'cos I'm a snacker and it usually adds up during the day. But I've got a handle on it.

The other thing I've realised is that one 'bad day' does not mean the rest of the week is a waste. I had a big night of drinking on Saturday night and technically went WAAY over my points. I just got back onto the wagon on Sunday and still lost almost a kilogram in the week. So, allow yourself the bad days as long as they are fewer than the good days!

This loss has all been without much exercise so, this week I've decided to add some planned exercise and some incidental stuff to my routine. Started with walking to a friend's place on Tuesday night - about 1.5 kilometres either way and parking my car really far away from the terminal at the airport yesterday. Okay, that was only because there was no other parking, but it was a good thing. If I've lost 2.2 kgs without exercise, just imagine the difference with exercise. And yes, Dave, I know that weight is not the only indicator and when I exercise I'll probably put on muscle etc. But still.

But I'm feeling good, confident and completely believe that it's possible to lose 10 more kilograms and get back to my weight of a year ago.

In other news - no phone call. So he sucks.

I wonder what the consensus is - can men and women just be friend or is there always the sexual tension simmering below the surface?

I always thought it was definitely possible and pointed to my male friends as proof. We never had any sexual issues, I said. But last night I was thrown.

I was out with my closest male friend, O, and a few of his friends for drinks. Sitting at the London pub, we went through a few bottles of red wine (I only had about 2 or 3 glasses - they had about 4 bottles!) and he was in a very flirtatious mood. His friends were making cracks about us and I just laughed. He was getting drunker and drunker and by the time we left, he was trashed, at least in my opinion. He insisted that I was not capable of driving and I agreed to sleep on the couch - have done it many times before.

But then, while walking home, he pulled me aside and said

"What would you say if I were to kiss you right now?"

Gulp. I was as diplomatic as possible and I said I felt it would ruin a good friendship. He was a bit gutted, but seemed to recover. We had a long talk back at his place and he confessed to having had a huge crush on me from the moment we met - 3 years ago! I had absolutely no idea. I never thought of him in that way and cringe when I think of the things I asked him (it was his flatmate I kissed last week!)...

So, was I being naive to think that we were just friends? I hope things aren't going to be too different now. I would hate to lose the friendship.

Guys opinions wanted.

I love this Johari window thing ... let me know what you think of ME!

1. Submit your manuscript late, using the excuse “I went away for two weeks and my brain took a while to get back into gear”.
2. Accept a commission and then go to ground when you realise that the thing actually has to be written and it takes more than an hour.
3. Ignore the submission guidelines regarding formatting, delivery and availability – after all, if it’s a good manuscript, it’ll rise to the top.
4. Submit the whole manuscript in comic sans font, 14 point with margins of 0.5cm all around – that way it looks pretty.
5. Type half of it and handwrite the rest – it takes too long when you are a ‘hunt & peck” style typist and anyway, your writing is good. Sometimes.
6. Go away on holiday immediately after submission, regardless of whether you were advised that you would need to be available for editing queries. You deserve a holiday.
7. Sigh dramatically when asked to revise anything – don’t these idiots know good writing when they see it?
8. Ignore all queries and comments and send back exactly the same manuscript (usually preceeded by the dramatic sigh mentioned above).
9. Demand payment immediately, despite the contract saying payment will be made on release of the work. Your work is done, you should be paid, dammit!
10. Ignore the fact that your work needed substantial rewriting by the editor before it was suitable for publication and demand more commissions and tell the idiots that Random House has approached you for an exclusive contract.

I’d love to be making all of this up, but these are remarkable common situations. If you want to be published, try not to annoy the publisher or production team. After all, we don’t write submission guidelines for fun – we actually want the manuscript in Times New Roman, 12pt. Really. And handwriting? Never never never. Can I say that one more time? Never.

And a hint? If you send us snarky emails and call ten time a day, we’ll hate you and never commission you again. Seriously.

• My bed
• My shower

I hate writers who go AWOL

I hate editors who refuse to edit electronically and give me extra work in taking up their corrections

I hate reviewers who ignore my emails and phone calls asking for stupid address to send the work to

I think I'm going to explode from stress right now.

This is turning into a day from hell. Who ever thought I'd say this but,

I HATE FRIDAYS

The Lonely Brain Cell

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet.
"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.

"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice,

"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"

Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away..............
We're down here ..."

1. I have a scar on my forehead from an attacking gate when I was eleven.
2. I shop way too often - the guys at the local mall think I still work there!
3. I read the newspaper online everyday (sometimes 3 times)
4. At school I was drama captain but also on the computer services team
5. I am very uncoordinated when it comes to sport
6. I've had a mobile phone since they first came out properly in 1996!

So I'm officially moving out of home. This weekend I sign a lease for a cute 2-bedroom place around the corner (well, around the corner, drive for a bit then around another corner) and I'm sharing with Anna.

Big step. I connected the gas and electricity today but held off on the phone and internet. I'm loathe to sign up for internet at the moment - the setup is huge and I have internet at work and I can always go to the folks if need be. The same with a home phone - I use my mobile for 98% of my calls now and it's a capped plan anyway - why pay for line rental if I'm not using the phone? Anna is chomping at the bit for both immediately and I just said that we needed to talk about it. I'm not going to be forced into sharing costs for something I'm not going to use at all. But I'm not closed to ideas - if she's willing to pay for calls and get dial-up, I'll pay half line-rental. I don't have the funds for cable setup. I'm already footing more of the rental than she is. We'll sort it out. I just have to watch that she doesn't railroad me into anything - she has a way of doing that!

But yeah - exciting stuff. I have a whole lotta boxes and I'm going to move over the course of the week. I can move a lot of the stuff myself, except my bed and the bookshelves - my brother took one look at the bed and went "NAH!" It's a bit big and heavy, so I'll get a mover for those few things and maybe the tv etc too.

My new obsession is recipe magazines now - I mean, I'm not going to have mom at home making dinner anymore! Time to actually start cooking now. I can cook - don't get me wrong, but my mother is an amazing cook and rules the kitchen at the moment, so I haven't had to do a lot. But now - watch out! I will be a kitchen wizz.

So, I'm a bit distracted at work today. Thinking about moving and bills and things we'll need. I'm sure we'll move in and then go "doh! where's the ______!" and have to buy something quickly. But it's okay - there's a Safeway on the corner!

Packing seriously sucks. I hate it. I loathe it. Who knew how much crap I had accumulated in six years?  And all the money I've spent on the aforementioned crap? Whew, almost worth insuring those piles of magazines!

It's also now hit me that since I'm moving out, I'm going to have heaps more expenses to worry about - bills (gas, electricity), rent (fairly reasonable, but still), furniture, groceries etc. I'm forseeing a lean period money wise! In the interests of not going broke, I've decided to cut out all the weekly gossip magazines as well as the 'women's interest' ones such as cleo and cosmo. I love them, but I read them once and then stack 'em somewhere and end up, 6 years later, having to chuck out thousands of dollars worth of useless stuff.

I will accept that clothes will not be a priority for a while (except if I lose more weight and need pants that don't bag and sag) but even if I do need anything, I will learn to love Target and Kmart a bit more. There is not and Big W nearby, or I'd learn to love them too.

Brand names will no longer be as important (except with toilet paper - non-negotiable) - if it works, generic it is. I've been reading a lot of personal finance blogs out there and got a lot of good tips etc. The consensus still is that generic toilet paper is not good - if anyone knows a brand that is cheaper but still good, let me know :)

Any other tips would be much appreciated.

We're lucky to have some furniture to start with. Tony, the landlord, had some really good stuff left after he moved into his girlfriend's place and I bought it from him. Got a really good couch and matching armchair (from Dare Gallery!), a fridge, a washing machine and a kitchen table plus chairs for a good price, half of which my father has offered to pay for (he did the same for my brother when he moved). The rest of the money I'll pay off over 6 months so it's all good. Made things much more home like when we started moving things across.

Tomorrow night is my first night there - the movers are coming tomorrow afternoon. I'm excited but also a bit nervous about living with Anna. We are so different in our approach to money and priorities. We'll have to see!

Operation Not Buying Crap is into week 2 and going along well. I have resisted buying any magazines, despite all the good monthly ones coming out within the past two weeks. I have resisted buying ANY new items of clothing which is definitely good, considering the stuff I have currently doesn’t fit into the space I have. I have spent a fair bit on house stuff, but that’s one-off generally and necessary evils. I do need to learn to look for the best deal around before buying things, but I’m getting there.

I’ve bought some funky stuff at the local $2 shop and will go back for some wicker backets next pay-day. They’re cheaper than IKEA and look good too.

In other news, I think I’m coming down with a cold. I have the aches, the sore throat, the chills and the sniffles. I’m dosing up on cold and flu meds, drinking heaps of water and tea with honey and trying to stay warm. I hate being sick. I feel totally useless at work today and would so rather be elsewhere (like, in bed) but we’ll see. It’s just a cold.

The new place is going well. A few teething problems (like the shower leaking) but we’re sorting those out. I made my first dinner in the kitchen last night – chicken, rice and vegies and it was a hit. At least, I’m yet to hear of anyone getting food poisoning! Anna and I are learning to compromise – she’s not exactly very healthy and I’m trying to be, so the meals we make have to be good. I’m all for dessert etc (although I may not have any) but the actual meal needs to be healthy-ish. I can’t wait for her toyboy to move back to Germany. Seriously, he’s driving me slightly batty. If I have to ask him one more time to wash his dishes and stop taking my laptop into the bedroom and leaving it there, I will go crazy. He doesn’t have a job and just sits around, complaining that the log in I set up for him and Anna doesn’t have administrator privileges so he can’t install stuff. Well, duh! Buddy, it’s my computer. You’re just lucky to be able to use it. Stop whinging already.

I’ll be having a housewarming something soon – so all you Melbourne people, get ready. It’s a small place though – we may have to work in shifts!

So I met a guy on Saturday night at Transport (a bar). Generally, guys met at a bar fill the following criteria:

• good looking
• a bit arrogant (or, a better word, cocky)
• never call even when they say they will

The last one is a given. Nobody should really expect a call from some random guy in a bar who 'promises' he'll call in exchange for a kiss. As long as a girl expects no phone call and takes it for what it is, there can be no disappointments. And hey, sometimes a kiss is all you're after.

So when Jarrod (the guy) told me he'd call, I laughed. He swore he would and he said

[Him] "So when would you like me to call?"

[Me]  "Okay then, call me on Tuesday."

He left, I stayed with my friends and left a bit later. And promptly forgot about him.

Tuesday night. He called. He actually called. Shock! Horror! What has happened to the world? I couldn't talk (was in a meeting) so he called me again last night. We're going to organise a night out next week sometime (we're both busy the whole weekend).

Now I'm not complaining that he called. But he's stuffed up my whole theory. Damn!

I feel like I'm PMSing but it's not that time of the month or anywhere near. I'm so majorly annoyed today. It's been building but last night I came home to another load of Anna's washing - she lived through 6 months of doing no washing and just buying new clothes (don't ask!) - and a bin that was overflowing and unwashed dishes. I wasn't overly impressed, considering they weren't home and they'd both had the day off.

Then they got home and changed the channel while I was watching the O.C. Talk about just plain wrong. Quite annoyed but we're having a 'meeting' on Saturday to discuss rent etc now that the German is staying for another 2 months. This was another thing that wasn't discussed with me - just done. If I'd known this was a possibility I would have looked for a bigger place and then found another flatmate once he'd left. As it is, the place is small but good for two people - not three. I'm a bit annoyed that they made this decision and didn't ask how I felt about it at any stage.

So far today I've yelled at a guy who tooted at me while I was crossing at a pedestrian crossing, I've told the dog next door to 'shut up or die' (I have reason though - he plays with a squeaky toy all day and barks incessantly) and I've growled at the phone. Not a good sign, considering it's 8:32am and I'm the only one in the back office. Just wait until people actually show up and talk to me. I should make a warning sign.

On the good news front, I've now lost 9.2 kgs in just over 3 months and have 3.1 kgs to go until I reach my goal weight. Feeling good. Jarrod called last night and we're going out on Sunday for drinks and maybe dinner. I'm this close to booking my big trip in October to Bangkok, Frankfurt, Israel and Canada (4 weeks away!!) and it's Wednesday, so we're halfway through the week.

I struggled on that last good thing.

*sigh* Only Wednesday ...

I realised yesterday that people have such different ideas about a reasonable income and how far their money goes and it's interesting to see how some people can feel so poor on a salary I would give my eye-teeth for.

Anna and I have different ideas about money and finances in general. When we first met and became friends, she was working in banking and earning very nicely - gold credit card with huge limits etc. Then she was made redundant and her spending didn't change, even though she was unemployed and eventually working in retail. Her partner was still on the huge bank salary, although she always mentioned that it was nothing compared to what others were on.

My situation is very different. Yes, I've lived at home all this time and haven't had huge expenses such as rent/mortgage, bills etc, but I also haven't worked full time until this past April. I do enjoy shopping, but I don't care about brand names or luxuries to a huge extent. I have my weaknesses (shoes, magazines, books) but I can do without them quite easily. I've never felt as if I've been missing out.

I've been brought up to hate debt and pay credit cards off at the end of every month - don't spend more than you can pay off. I've been brought up to give to charity regularly - my father never turns people down, regardless of whether it's a sport charity or a medical one. I've been brought up to feel 'wealthy' with whatever money there is.

And I will admit that my family probably fits into the 'upper middle class' bracket more than the lower end, but I wasn't one of those kids who got a brand new car first thing, or got everything her little heart desired.

I always help my friends out and while Anna was living with her partner/husband/soon-to-be-ex-husband, the few times she called asking for money to pay bills, I was happy to help, knowing she would pay me back. Last night we had a discussion - she went for an interview (entry-level HR) and she was shocked by the salary. I was shocked by her shock - the salary in question is higher than mine is likely to get in the near-future! She was moaning about how she couldn't understand how people could live on that little money and I was just standing there, mouth hanging open. After 2 years of retail hell, she was even saying that she'd have to think about it if they offered her the job, because the money wasn't worth her time.

I don't get it. She hates her low-paying job but won't take a 'real' job because she's worth more? More than crap at the moment? She's looking at a huge career change, with no experience in the industry she's interviewing for, and she thinks that admin tasks included in the job description are beneath her.

I have a different impression of her at the moment - I think she needs a bit of a kick up the a*se and a reality check. Am I being too harsh?

What a weekend. What a fucking weekend. A lot of good (fun and games) but marred by some bad (the aforementioned trip to emergency). The lesson: alcohol is bad. Drugs are bad - especially for someone with no experience and who thinks that nothing affects them. But yeah, acohol is bad.

It was not me in emergency - not to worry, I am no longer a complete idiot, having learnt my lessons and my limits before. I know that I have a low tolerance for most 'bad' things and while it doesn't stop me entirely, I do know when to stop, when I've reached my limits. But Anna thinks she's invincible.

I never want to see someone go through that much 'being sick' ever again. It's frightening, especially when you put alcohol poisoning with an asthma attack - she was hyperventilating and struggling to breathe, but also needing to throw up. Eventually she calmed down and went to bed (would've been at about 7am) but when she woke up, she was sick again and couldn't even keep water down. The fact that she'd had gastro the day before and hadn't eaten much then, made us a bit concerned that she was dehydrated and needed a shot of something medical to stop the retching. Hence the trip to emergency - with no medical centres open near by, it was the only option. They were packed and found a medical centre open for us - but luckily, they tested her for dehydration and she was okay. Lovely trip to the doctor, a shot in the arm, a stern talking to and a parking ticket on my car later, we headed home at 5:30pm.

And the thing is, the night had been awesome until the end. Really fun - hanging out playing pool (I won my first proper game!), then moving on to a friend of a friend's birthday drinks, intending to stay for one drink, but ending up there for 4 hours. We met some very cool people and had a ball, until the end obviously. I felt like shaking her - when she was being sick and struggling to breathe, I wanted to call an ambulance - the breathing thing got me worried as nothing seemed to be helping - but she was very anti. I later found out it wasn't because she felt okay - she doesn't have ambulance cover and her first thought was that she couldn't afford it. I told her yesterday that that was just stupid. For $60 a year, you get ambulance cover and you don't worry about it. You don't get these things when you need them, but in case, hoping that you'll never use it, but knowing that it's there if you need it.

*sigh* Just call me mom.

Oh, btw, had my date last night with Jarrod - it was lovely :) We're seeing each other again this week, but then he's off for three weeks to Detroit for work. You Americans better look after him! I'll blog about the night later ...

My last post included a footnote about my date with Jarrod - but I thought it deserved more than a footnote. It wasn't really fair on the date that it should get pushed aside just because the rest of the weekend was so dramatic.

A recap:

I met Jarrod at Transport a few weeks ago - we chatted, he asked for my number, we kissed. It was fun, but I wasn't expecting it to actually go further - guys you meet at a bar late on a Saturday night aren't generally being honest when they say they'll call. But he did. We couldn't get together immediately, so it ended up being two weeks later that we organised to meet for a drink.

Sunday

We organised to meet at his place, because he lives just off Chapel Street, which is a pretty funky street with bars and coffee shops and is always buzzing. I drove over, with that nervous first-date feeling and met him outside his place (a very swish looking building!). We went for a drink at a local pub, sitting outside, oblivious to the fact that the light dizzle had progressed to pouring rain (we were sitting under an awning) until one of the busboys complained that we were the only idiots outside and couldn't we go inside so he didn't have to get wet? Inside was really busy (with the prerequisite pub idiots spilling drinks) but we found a place to sit and kept chatting.

We ended up leaving 2.5 hours later and headed back to his place (nothing like that! Minds outta the gutter people!) where we watched a bit of Little Britain on DVD with his flatmate and a friend. That was a bit weird - kinda an odd way to end the date. I left after half an hour - he walked me to my car, had a bit of a goodnight kiss and a promise of a second date. Damn problem is that he's going away on Sunday for three weeks for work, so the second date has to happen this week and then there'll be an hiatus. Really inconsiderate of him. :)

But it's all good. I'll give him a call tonight and we'll organise something. I've got the new boy nerves and I like it. :)

I called J on Tuesday night, thinking we could catch up for a coffee or what before he goes away. No go, unfortunately - he's 'too busy' at the moment, getting ready to leave on Sunday. Now it may be true, but with new boy nerves, one starts wondering if he's really too busy or if he's just not interested.

No, that's just stupid dating insecurities. It's a bummer that we have to wait three weeks (well, actually a month in total) but if he's interested, it's up to him to call me when he gets back. I'm not waiting around by the phone (well, considering it's a mobile phone and it's in my bag all the time, I kinda am waiting by the phone).

This is the part I hate.

In other news Anna is now thinking about moving to Germany for a year in September when George goes back. Whether it happens or not is another story, but I'd better start thinking about a flatmate who I can get along with just in case.

I started Street Latin dance classes a couple of weeks ago and unfortunately I have to dance with a guy who has been born with no rhythm. Seriously. The guy cannot dance. I got to dance with the instructor for the first class and he spoiled me. Plus he's really cute. Ed (the guy with no rhythm) is painful. My feet hurt.

But I love salsa!

Recently, disabled mountain climber Mark Inglis became the first double-amputee to climb Mount Everest. An amazing feat, for sure. But what has overshadowed his accomplishment is the fact that he was one of over 40 climbers who passed English climber David Sharp and left him to die. He had made a fatal mistake of leacing camp late the day before in his quest to climb without oxygen and had become stranded overnight. Apparently, Inglis was the only one who stopped, but continued on after receiving advice that Sharp couldn't be saved.

The fact that over 40 people did not stop, did not even try to save this guy speaks volumes about our society. People do not care about anyone else. This is the 'me' generation and God help those of us who need to rely on others.

Another story in the news here chilled me. A woman was attacked and killed outside her work a few weeks ago and thought to be kidnapped. Apparently 8 people heard a blood-curdling scream and a heated argument that night but didn't called the police. Why not? How can these people live with themselves, knowing that they could have saved this woman, or at least saved her fiance from a week of not knowing what had happened? What kind of world do we live in?

I know this makes me sound like a very naive little girl, but this really got to me. What happened to the communities who support one another? What happened to the idea that you don't think of yourself or money when faced with someone needing your help? I understand that Everest has now become a money focused achievement - people pay upwards from $90 000 to climb and to stop and help someone who may not even survive means that you may forfeit your climb.

But c'mon people! Get out of the 'me' mentality and start considering other people. Start giving without thinking of repayment. You may only be one person, but if everyone thinking they are only one person, nothing will ever change. What can we do to change our selfish generation?

I know it's a bit late for a post about the weekend but I've had no time.

It was good. It was fun. It was ... unexpected. Mandy did a 'bad' thing (for what Mandy usually does).

And you know what?

It felt good.

In other news, had a huge fight with Anna who doesn't realise that perception is fact and the fact that I feel things cannot be disputed. When someone tells you that they feel annoyed, you can't actually tell them that it's bullshit. It's not. It's a fact - I feel annoyed. I feel that I want to hit you. Fact. :)

Floppy disk drive is busted thanks to Anna (who refuses to think she did anything wrong) but thank g-d for friends with computer skills (or friends' husbands) who will fix it for free. Internet is finally up and running, but let's see if I actually get to use it. On my laptop. The only computer in the flat. Hmmm ...

What else? Oh, yeah, had an awesome weekend. ;)

And it's my birthday on Friday. Everyone should celebrate!

I'm officially one year older than I was yesterday. The clock has ticked over and I no longer fit into the 18-25 category.

I have no time to blog and nothing to really blog about (the day has barely started) but I'll keep you posted on my long birthday weekend!!!

While my weekend didn't exactly solve my dilemma of being lonely, it certainly took my mind off the matter! Anna, Georg and I decided that, while Transport is heaps of fun, we do go there almost every weekend and maybe it was time to try new stomping grounds. And plus we felt like dancing and you can't really dance there.

So we headed out to St Jerome's - a fucky little bar off a lane in the city. Seriously, it's so tucked away that unless you know about it, you're not going to find it. We've been there once before, but the group we were with didn't like it, so we left early. This time we were determined to give it more of a go. It's like a house party inside - mis-matched glasses, a limited selection of drinks and old couches etc to sit on. But the music rocks - the dj was awesome, mixing a bit of house with samba and salsa beats - really making you want to boogy. Too bad they only have a licence until 1am. They played until 1:30am and then had to shut down. Awww...

We were still up for staying out and while we were tempted to go to Transport, we headed to De Bier's instead - on the recommendation of some guy who had attached himself to our group (and tried to attach himself to me later on). He was creepy but the place was great fun - a good mix of commercial house and R&B music. So good that we ended up staying there until it shut at 5:15am. My legs are seriously aching today from all the dancing we did - pretty much non-stop all night. Well worth the $10 entry. I'm generally against paying entry but for a night like this ... definitely worth it.

So yesterday was a bit of a waste - sleeping, doing washing, sleeping some more. I got up at 2am to watch the Socceroos play Brazil and almost wished I hadn't - they lost 2-0, but it was a good game and hey, Brazil is Brazil. With player like Ronaldhino and Ronaldo, did we really expect a different result? So now it's on to playing Croatia and all we need is a draw at least and for Japan to crash to Brazil and we're through to the second round. I reckon we can do it!!! Aussie Aussie Aussie ... OI OI OI!

So, I'm aching and I'm sleep deprived, but what a weekend. Definitely took my mind off things. I really needed that. I reckon St Jerome's and De Biers might become regular haunts. Now, where's that coffee???

I’m watching as my two closest friends are planning the next stages of their lives – one moving to Germany and another leaving her partner to move back to Brisbane – and while I support them 100%, I feel very scared and sad. L has applied for a job in Brisbane which would have her moving in the first week of September and A is hoping to be in Germany by the end of September or mid-October. It’s all happening at once and immediately I know I will be alone.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m happy for them. They’re both taking huge steps and they’re good steps to take. They need to do this. I want them to be happy.

But they’ve been with me for the past 3 years – we have serious history and while I know that I’m not losing it totally, I been through this before and the friendship changes. The distance makes it impossible for it not to change. Phone calls and emails are all good and well, but nothing beats hanging out together. Trust me. I’ve been here before and this is what scares me.

I don’t know if I can do this again. The whole meeting people, opening up, creating a friendship and creating a new history together. I don’t know how to do it anymore and I don’t know if I have the strength left. I’ve lost every close friend I’ve ever had to distance. That’s not me being overly dramatic – it’s fact. My closest friends in South Africa moved on, which was to be expected. My friends in Brisbane drifted pretty quickly – picking fights over ‘tone of voice’ in emails etc. Tammy moved back to Canada 18 months ago and while we’re still friends and I’ll be seeing her in October, it’s different. It has to be. And it’s going to happen with L and A. It just has to.

I’m really scared that I’m going to be alone. Within one month, or even less, I will be minus a flatmate and minus my girlfriends.

Which brings me to my question – how to make new friends at 26. We used to make friends through school or uni or work. Now, going to tafe one night a week in a class of 4 people, all of whom I know well rules that out. Work consists of 12 people and no new faces. Which leaves having to join a sporting group or community thing and go it alone. A frightening thought. I don’t feel very strong right now and I’m dreading the first few months.

A said to me last night that I shouldn’t let them go too soon. They’re still here for the moment and we should enjoy every day we have. But it’s too hard. I was sobbing last night and I don’t know if I can cope with the last weekend away and packing up and the airport drives. It felt like a goodbye talk last night and it’s only July.

This just feels too hard.

So, I'm in Bangkok and the first leg of my holiday has begun. True, it has not been the smoothest start, what with me getting travel sick for the first time in my entire life! Either it was that or food poisoning but either way, it was no fun. At least I was right near the toilets (the first time I've been grateful for that!). I don't know whether it made a difference, but I had taken half a sleeping tablet and will probably not do that again. No fun.

Bangkok's new airport is .... new and big. I felt like I was walking for miles and miles to get to the baggage claim area. Nobody even looked at me through customs - I'm so used to coming home to Australia and being given the third degree. I don't know what Australian customs people think I'm up to but they always question me. Dumb asses.

The hostel is quite nice. I decided not to stay on Khoa San Road just because I'm kinda over the loud drunken backpackers - although some cute guys would've been nice. There are some Canadians staying her but I think I insulted them by thinking they were American. My accent ear is usually very good but I was tired ... There are two German girls in my room and we spent the day together - temple-hopping and a little DVD shopping. I have a nice little collection going for about AUD$50. I'll be glued to my TV when I get back, and you're all invited.

There's nothing about the coup around here - nobody seems interested, except that there are signs everywhere about 'long live the king' which I find quite cute considering I've never lived in a country with a king. There's been some festival on but I couldn't figure out what (I think it's someting religious).

Two more days - tomorrow we're going to the floating markets and then I'll head off to do more shopping I think. I've been given orders and I need to fill them!! Plus my handbag collection is in dire need of replenishing.

More to come and then off to Israel for a week and Canada for 2 weeks - keep reading for more tales from the travelling side.

M

oxox

Yesterday was pretty chilled (although not in the temperature stakes). Again, I woke up ridiculously early, but I had a purpose - to get Australian Open tickets! They went on sale at 9am AEST so I had to be online at 6am Bangkok time. But it all paid off - we got tickets for the men's semi final and the final. I just hope it's as good as it was this year.

I was going to hang out with the German girls again, but they wanted to go temple hopping again and I was a bit over it. Instead, I went to Chatuchuk (sp?) market with two guys - an Indian/Canadian and an Aussie. This market is HUGE - 15,000 stalls, selling everything and anything. We only spent 4 hours there (the guys ran out of money) so we didn't see even a corner of the place, but it's amazing even just for the people watching. I gota nice silver cuff bracelet for about $50, two t-shirts for $5, some makeup for $30 and I could've bought so much more,  but without Anna prodding me on, the voice of reason won out. Still.

Then we headed back to the hostel for a siesta. We went out for dinner with a Kiwi/English girl, Patrina and had the most delicious fried fish and seafood noodles for less than $5 each. Yum. After that we went to an Eqyptian restaurant and shared a hookah - which was heaps of fun, even if it affected me more than the others. I felt very relaxed! We were going to go out after, but Guy (the Aussie) had to go to the airport to meet a friend and I was exhausted. Gorav went out and I headed back to the hostel, getting slightly lost on the way back (stupid sky-train entrance on the other side!!). I'm kinda wondering whether the boys will be up anytime soon (doubtful) to see whether I should wait before going out or just head out anyway.

I can't believe three days have passed already and I'm off to Israel tonight. Hotmail seems to be down, so I really hope Shani remembers to pick me up at the airport at 5am!!

Next post from Tel Aviv and I'll try upload some photos too.

M

oxoxo

I haven't had access to the internet for the last few days, so excuse my lack of posting. Just to let you know that I'm still alive in Israel and have had the most amazing few days of any of my travels. Really special. Spending a Jewish festival in Jerusalem has been very spiritual and special. I will post more from Canada, or maybe Tel Aviv before I fly out on Tuesday.

Chag Sameach and Shabbat Shalom. :)

I can't believe it. Tomorrow I leave Israel for Canada and two weeks of my trip are over. Two countries down, one more to go. Why the heck does time have to fly? Can't it walk let the rest of us? Already I'm dreading going back to reality, back to work, back to the mundane. I need to travel more.

So, an update. As I mentioned, I didn't really have internet access as we were staying in hotels and running around like crazy. My parents had organised a personal guide and so we walked around sightseeing all day, everyday. Some highlights though:

On Tuesday, I promptly abandoned my parents after seeing them for 3 hours and joined my friend Shani and her parents on a trip to the Dead See, where I slapped on a mud pack and floated on the salty waters of the Dead Sea. Damn, your skin feels smooth after that! And plus, you lose all concern about weight!

After that, we slept for 2 hours in a Bedouin tent at the western base of Masada and then took a cable car to the top at 1:30am to see a sunrise concert by amazing Israeli/Spanish musician, David Broza. Amazing. My new favourite artist. Seriously, do a google search, listen to some of his music - either in Hebrew, Spanish or English - and tell me you don't love him. If you don't, you're an idiot. It was awesome (had to use a different word to amazing) to watch the sun come up over Masada (will give the history of this mountain later if anyone is interested) with 500 other people, all dancing and listening. Special.

We did collapse slightly after the night of no sleep, but managed to stop by a market on the way home, where I bought a beautiful ring. Love Israeli jewellery.

Highlight #2: Jerusalem: the old city.

I'm not a religious religous person, but I challenge anyone not to feel some kind of connection to this thousand-year-old city. Seeing evidence of all religions from 5000 years ago and seeing the connection to what we believe in today is beyond words. I've read about this city in all the prayers I've uttered over the years but to see it in the flesh makes it real. Praying at the Western Wall in Jerusalem has to be one of the top 3 things I've ever done and will probably remain there for the rest of my life. As is tradition, I stuck a note in a crevice in the wall, as a special prayer to G-d. Thousands of people from around the world come to do the same, and my mother swears that I'm the product of a prayer and a note she left there in 1975 (true, I took 5 more years to make my appearance, but still), so I can't ignore it. My prayer remains secret though - if and when it comes true, I'll let you know.

Highlight #3: Yad Vashem, the Holocaust memorial.

I can't write enough on this, but suffice to say, it should be compulsory for everyone in the world to see this place, to know the evil in man and to ensure that these things cannot happen again. Sadly, it is happening all the time - currently in Dafur, Sudan - and the world watches, loathe to do anything, trying to appease. Be active, do not watch as people commit these acts just because it doesn't affect you. It does, because one day, this could happen to you and nobody will be around to protest.

So I am overwhelmed by my week in Israel and have serious thought about spending more time here. Perhaps not as far as making aliyah (moving as a Jew) yet but maybe one day. I never thought I'd say it, but the possibility remains.

On to Canada and the cold. Brrr.

M

oxox

• Turn off the tap when you're washing dishes or brushing your teeth
• When you're waiting for th hot water to kick in, instead of letting the water run down the drain, catch it in a bucket or jug and use it to water your plants
• If you have a half-flush on your toilet, use it
• Have shorter showers

1. Magazine subscription - only works if you know that person isn't planning to leave the country within a year!
2. Baked goods - biscuits, brownies or cakes (Note to self: learn to bake)
3. Gift certificate for a massage etc (I tried that for two friends last year and it tanked - they appreciated it but never used it. What a waste of cash)
4. A bottle of wine (which they have to share with you over a night of catching up - especially good for those friends you don't see enough but would like to)
5. A plant - make sure they aren't like me and likely to kill any living gift within a month

1. Be more organised - yes, this is a generic one that features almost every year, but hey, this time it might kick in!
2. Finish my distance diploma in Freelance Journalism which I started 5 years ago, before enrolling in the TAFE course
3. Learn how to make candles and soaps to give as gifts etc.
4. Get fit - another generic, but again, it needs to get on the list
5. Join a community group that doesn't piss me off, so I can meet more people (for fun!)
6. Move overseas - this is becoming more of a necessity than ever, with the doctor telling me I'm pretty much allergic to Australia!
7. Be more budget savvy - set myself a monthly budget and stick to it more religiously. I did this for a couple of months when I first moved out and it worked, but then I blew it.
8. Learn to cook and bake - I have basic skills but living with my mother meant that the kitchen was her domain (and she is the kitchen goddess) so I didn't expand my basic skills much. I haven't had time this year but next year I will cook more meals instead of mini pizzas!
9. Sell more stuff on ebay - I have way too much junk.
   
10. Stop buying the aforementioned junk - self explanatory that!
11. Start a marketing or PR course
12. Maintain my weight and don't become obsessive!
    

I know I've been MIA for ages.  Things have been good and busy and different and now I live in a different country, different hemisphere and different everything.

Life in Toronto is exciting and cold. I'm pushing myself to be everything I wanted to be before but was too scared to be or too stuck in a rut to do. I'm taking chances and leaping without looking. I'm swallowing my fears and just doing, trying not to think too much.

Doesn't that sound scary but exciting at the same time?

It's been 2 months since I waved my family goodbye at Melbourne airport and stepped through the gates to passport control. Seven weeks since I landed in Toronto to my new life. Six weeks since I started work and routine and life.

I am only seven weeks old really. A baby. Learning to take my first steps and learning that falling is not that scary. Sure, you get bruised and battered but you get up again and you learn.

And I'm definitely learning.

NEWSFLASH:

Thighs are meant to be bigger than calves. It's a balance thing. It's a genetic thing. It's a HUMAN thing. Girls, if your thighs are no bigger than your calves or arms, you're TOO FREAKING THIN. If your legs cannot meet at any point whatsoever, you're TOO FREAKING THIN.

Eat something. Please.

• It's a way to meet people - new city = meeting new people any way possible. My bookclub is filled with married women, so that's a negative!
  
• I've got nothing to lose - after my recent dating disaster where the guy had told his mother all about me before our first date and was planning my visit over the holidays and had probably named our kids, I figure this can't be worse.